There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
