I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
