saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
