I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
