What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
