I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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