I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
