Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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