you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
