I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
