I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
