I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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