No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think my vagina is haunted
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need a burrito and a hug.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
