yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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