It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just had sex bonerless
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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