Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
