She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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