you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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