My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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