This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
