just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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