took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my poor anus
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
