I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
