Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
