On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
