DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
