saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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