Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
