come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
