break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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