YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
