i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
