Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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