sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
