It's Friday. Sex?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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