i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
