I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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