Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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