I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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