Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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