im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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