I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
