I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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