Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
