Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
