you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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