All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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