Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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