Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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