And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
