oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
