She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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