Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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