operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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