I bet he comes in French.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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